The regiment figures there's a railway gun chopping them up.
Forward observers in a monastery right here.
- Why don't we shell it? - Throw a couple of bombs on it.
There's an underground fighter living in there.
It's a woman, she's a killer. Her name is Walloon.
She has a squad plan to wipe out the Krauts without firing a shot or killing one civilian.
A woman in a monastery?
It's really not a monastery. It's an asylum for retards and insane people.
I say division should bomb it.
Killing insane people is not good for public relations.
Killing sane people is okay?
That's right.
Let's go.
The Americans are coming
Two men in the tower.
Squad. Come on.
Bayonets.
Beautiful...
I am one of you. I am sane. I am sane!
We hole up here for the night.
Did you ever figure out what those palm trees are doing here in Belgium?
Yeah, that monk had a yen for them.
Speaking of yens...
...did you...? Did you score with Walloon?
No...
...she's too old for me.
Good thing Ben Franklin didn't hear you say that.
Ben Franklin? That 2nd Squad meatball?
No. Benjamin Franklin.
The guy with the kite and the key and...
- Bifocals, potbellied stove. - Declaration of Independence.
What's he got to do with it?
- Well, he wrote this letter. - Yeah? What was in the letter?
- He wrote this famous letter. - Well, tell me about it.
He wrote it to a young punk with your problem...
...and he went on to tell this guy...
...he said there's many reasons for hitting the sack with an older woman.
An important reason was she wouldn't saddle him with a kid...
...or give him a disease. That might be more important.
She also would give it everything as if it was her last lay.
He wound up advising this young Romeo...
...if you can't stomach old Juliet's face, stick a flag over it...
...and shoot for Old Glory.
You're so full of shit.
No, I'm serious.
Listen, Griff...
...do you like her?
- She's beautiful. - Now, don't be a schmuck.
Hello...
...Benjamin Franklin.
I'll be tender.
Benjamin Franklin was never in a rifle squad.
He didn't know the score.
I'm giving it everything I've got.
Because it might be my last lay.
I'll be tender.
Hey, you fellas.
Wave to your folks back home.
That's good.
Okay, little girl. There, smile at me and wave. At me, at me.
Look right in here, look right in here. Smile.
Very good. Give me a little smile.
Give me a little wave. That's good.
Now I come back here.
Give me a little smile.
That's good. Smile at me, at me. That's good.
- Give me a wave, now. Keep waving. - Hello, Mom.
Keep waving at me. That's good.
Now I'm gonna go this way. All right.
"In spite of devils and death...
...and the cries of our enemies...
...we will swing together...
...and Germany will be free. Adolf Hitler. "
Where's the 1st Division now, general?
Resting in Germany's romantic hunting grounds, the Hurtgen Forest.
I'll be a son of a bitch.
My mother sold my novel to Hollywood.
For Humphrey Bogart and Edward G. Robinson.
Hey, hey. For how much?
For 15,000 bucks.
We got another Rockefeller in the company here.
So, what you gonna do with all the moola?
Well, first, I think I'm gonna blow 1000 bucks on a squad party.
Only you guys gotta think of the damnedest things you wanted to do to a girl.
Hey, Griff.
I'm working on it.
- Vinci? - Hey...
Come on.
- I'll tell you in a minute. - Hey, Johnson.
I think I'd like the most beautiful...
I know what I want.
Who the hell are you?
Kaiser. You patched me up behind that tank in France.
- What tank? - I was the one that liked your book, Zab.
Yeah, baby face. Yeah, so, what do you want? What do you wanna do?
I want a big, zaftig girl...
...stick her plump butt against an ice-cold window...
Yeah?
And just hold it there.
- What are you gonna do with a frozen butt? - Thaw it out.
It may take a while.
Three bursts. Making millions of splinters, lieutenant.
- They spot your position? - They're not aiming at us.
They're just hitting the trees.
They've got us pinned down. Take them out for us.
- But watch out, they've got snipers too. - Yeah.
Let's go.
Here.
Now.
I can't see a goddamned thing.
- Griff. - Ho!
- Zab. - Ho.
- Vinci. - Ho.
- Johnson. - Ho!
Kaiser.
Kaiser?
I'm hit.
Where are you?
Find me...
Did I kill that guy...
...that killed me?
Yes.
Egg on a steak. I like the way these Belgians eat.
I like anyplace in the rear, if it's a permanent rear.
Pulled out for good.
Right, sergeant?
You know, none of you guys showed up to the doctor for frostbite.
My toes are okay.
- So's mine. - Mine too.
You know, eight guys in the 2nd Platoon got trench foot.
Sergeant?
Down here.
Fifty thousand Belgian francs.
That's pour vous. Yeah, it's for you. Count it.
That's 1000 bucks for one night in your hotel...
...for la squad party.
I had to get rides all the way back to division rear to come up with all that cash.
Et maintenant, beautiful, les femmes pour mon party.
Yes, beaucoup femmes.
Ecoutez. Listen to what I want.
Like yours, but I mean bigger. But I want her to plant her ass against la fenêtre.
Let me show you.
I just want you to put your derrière right against the fenêtre.
Okay, I'll show you with my ass, all right?
Here, watch.
What she's gotta do is, she's gotta be bare-assed when she does this.
It's very important.
La femme keeps her ass against the window until her ass is beaucoup froid.
Because it's très important that she gets her ass frozen.
Fou. What's fou?
She thinks you're nuts.
Me, nuts?
I'm not nuts. No fou.
No fou. It's not for me.
No. It's for my friend.
Kaiser.
He's dead.
He's mort.
The frozen ass is for my dead, mort friend, Kaiser.
She's right, Zab, you're off your rocker.
You want a girl for a dead man?
Well, one of you guys gotta pinch-hit for Kaiser.
- Why don't you? - I don't particularly go for frozen asses.
Besides, I'm a big-tit man.
- What about you, Griff? - You okayed what I want.
- What about you, Vinci? - You promised me a girl with a flat belly.
Look, Zab.
Five dead guys aren't gonna show up, so forget them.
Okay, no replacements, no party.
The hell with you guys. Pass on the party, eh?
Hey, wait a minute.
I'll pinch-hit for Kaiser.
Well, okay, that's more like it.
Kaiser, I'm beginning to see what you like about big butts.
Hey, Vinci, come on. That is my girl.
That one, right there, she's mine. It's my party.
Sergeant, can you come here so we can talk about it, you know?
I'm gonna like winning this Purple Heart.
He was that close, that's where he was. Easy target. Easy target.
So he asked me why I didn't get him.
I guarantee it.
Okay, Zab, you know it's time to take the hill.
- Take the hill. - Wait a second. Excuse me, my dear.
Would you help the young lady down, please, sergeant?
Okay, now let's see.
I...
I paid for this party...
...so the hill will be took when I say it's to be took.
- I beg your pardon. - Well, okay, sir.
- Now, move. - Yes, sir.
Come on, let's get on with it. Don't forget your pieces. Let's go.
Keep your front sight covers on, or else you'll get a rusty bore.
Let's go. Move it.
Come on. Come on.
Come on.
Sergeant?
Corporal Kolowicz.
Can't you read? That sign says "private party. "
Lieutenant Stockwell wants your squad on the double. Krauts busted through.
They're in Belgium.
We thought we'd push through, but the Krauts regrouped and counterattacked...
... and bumped us back into France.
Lieutenant, we got tanks and infantry coming at us...
...at point 33. Three-three.
- Dead. - What do you mean, dead?
He wasn't hit or anything.
He's not the first dogface to die from a heart attack. Now, let's go.
Tonight's the last time we'll be sleeping in beds.
We're being moved to Monschau.
She spotted him by the way he was eating. Get that Kraut out of here.
Get him out!
Goddamn infiltrators.
We spent the whole winter freezing our asses off just to take back Belgium.
- Switolski? - Yeah.
- You speak German, don't you? - Well, Polish with a Jersey accent.
- My aunt was German. I know a few words. - That's all it takes. Tell them.
He says that they're the Volkssturm, the People's Army.
He says that Hitler himself told him not to let one American Schweinehund get past.
Okay, you tell him that I'm gonna count to three...
...and if they don't let us pass, Herr Green Shirt's gonna get the first bullet.
One.
Two.
Three.
Get on your feet!
Get back, all of you. Come on, let's go.
The whole German army was on the run now. We were right on their heels.
There they go.
Switolski, you're a good man.
Griff, I'll tell you how it was.
I mean, the shop was burning. I couldn't let all this beautiful schnapps go to waste.
Okay, boys. A little toast.
To the late FDR.
- To FDR. - To FDR.
- To FDR! - To FDR!
I always liked him.
The 2nd Platoon is carrying the ball.
We're getting away with murder!
- Murder! - Oh, no.
We don't murder, we kill.
Isn't that what you told us in North Africa, sarge?
Well, that all depends...
...on a watch...
...a pen and a piece of paper.
When the second hand of that watch calls the shot...
...and the kaiser picks up that pen...
...and scratches his name on that paper...
...then you gotta call it quits.
Kill all the Huns you can before then, but never after.
Never.
Switolski.
Keep your eye on that Thompson because that fräulein has her eye on it.
She's just a German, sergeant.
She's not a Nazi.
Has the major left?
Yes.
He has other places to protect.
But not a castle like this one.
He said as soon as you are finished with the fuses, you are to rejoin your own company.
Cognac?
Thank you, contessa.
That was good.
How fast do the safety fuses burn?
Ten feet per minute.
And how much time will I have to get away from here after I light them?
Ten minutes.
You look exhausted.
You were exhausted.
You were not?
Hopeless.
With a good night's rest...
...I think I... - Oh, not you.
The war.
It is far from hopeless.
When a woman of your rank will blow up her castle for the Reich.
Even if an American general and his staff make their headquarters here...
...and I do blow them up, we have gained nothing.
We will still lose the war.
You are wrong.
"Hitler will live for a thousand years. "
Oh, no. Not that quote, please.
They were your husband's last words.
I see nothing to laugh at, contessa.
- He died a hero. - He died a shit.
He told me about his plot to kill Hitler.
We were winning then and I was a Nazi, so I shot him.
Hitler gave him a state funeral...
...and personally eulogized him as a hero killed in battle.
What is your name?
Schroeder.
You can come out of this war alive.
If I shoot you.
Not a serious wound, of course.
I'll tell the Americans I shot you to save their general from being blown up.
I will show them all the hidden explosives, the fuses.
They will take you prisoner.
They will not confiscate my castle or my money.
You will be alive, Schroeder, and rich.
When did you begin to hate Hitler?
When?
From the first time he was my guest here.
But like so many others, I had to go along with that fanatic...
...to keep my castle and my money.
I couldn't tolerate that impotent, perverted Austrian peasant.
- Hot soup? - That's right.
You twist something on the can, and the soup turns hot.
I had some myself down at Battalion CP.
Hitler youth!
We got orders to kill anyone that kills us. I say we shoot him.
He killed Switolski.
We'll use his body as an example for Hitler kids.
- Makes sense. - Shoot him.
- Shoot him.
All agreed? Shoot him?
- Yeah, what the hell are we waiting for? - He's all yours, Zab.
- Well, why me? - Vinci!
Johnson.
Griff!
No volunteers, huh?
I think you got him.
Jew?
Polish.
Czech?
Russian?
He walked around for half an hour before he could bring himself to put the kid down.
Sergeant!
- Sergeant! - Sergeant?
Over here.
Where the hell have you been?
I'm not gonna tell you again.
- No lights at night. - Sergeant, the war's over.
Look, nobody's firing at us.
One minute after midnight, official.
The war's been over for four hours.
Hey, sarge, the dead Kraut, he's still warm.
- You didn't know it was over. - He did.
He's still alive!
Sulfa.
Come on.
- Pills? - Right here.
Live, you son of a bitch.
You're gonna live if I have to blow your brains out.
Saving that Kraut was the final joke of the whole goddamned war.
We had more in common with him...
... than with all our replacements who got killed whose names we never knew.
We'd all made it through. We were alive.
I'm gonna dedicate my book to those who shot but didn't get shot...
... because it's about survivors.
And surviving is the only glory in war, if you know what I mean.
Ripped by: SkyFury